The complexities of existence.
Life is not always easy and the complexities of existence have always existed; they accompany us along the path of our daily lives.
In times gone by, it was often the family doctor who listened to them and associated them as related to the health of his patients and gave them advice.
When, on the other hand, the difficulties were of an ethical nature, people turned to the priest who, through accompaniment and confession, gave suggestions on how to redeem themselves.
Later, with the discovery of psychology in its various forms, people became concerned with human problems. The figure of the psychologist in the broad sense or the psychiatrist joined the previous figures. As far as the field of the psychiatrist is concerned more specifically, the problems are not visible illnesses.
People who are afflicted by life complications are not patients in the usual sense. They can be normal, productive people - as normal as one can be in our community.
Generally, these daily contrarieties may concern interpersonal relationships, the way one works, performance issues... but also the issue of living honestly, in line with one's principles and personal beliefs. Then there are the contrarieties of practical life, which can often accentuate the others.
A lot also depends on our typical behaviours with which we defend ourselves or construct our way of life, and which were formed at an early period - unconsciously imitating people who had meaning in our lives (the so-called character, very succinctly).
Jung argues that the child's unconscious depends on the parental unconscious.
Almost always in my long professional practice I encountered this construct, and I had to struggle to make people understand that it was the parents who triggered the behaviour.
Often when I encountered parents who did not want to accept certain responsibilities, the latter would resort to excuses that did not hold up in any way.
In relationships between individuals, the most annoying issue concerns how we experience our affections.
There are aggressive people who seek people to dominate. There are those who exploit the other (the unwary); and so on.
In love relationships, one has to pay attention to how each one stands towards the other. Let us give some examples.
A woman who suffers because of her spouse who hinders her every development (or vice versa) must understand or be helped to understand that she has somehow sought this situation, and that it is only by finding confidence in her own possibilities and ability to manage herself that she will find relief from her pains.
Otherwise, i.e. if he does not discover his own potential, not even by separating will he solve his problems - because he will unconsciously seek the same kind of spouse.
Only people who are able to respect each other's needs and interests are capable of adult love. We often confuse our own desire with that of the other.
How many times in counselling with couples have I encountered this.
In job difficulties we often find people who move from one job to another because they are not satisfied with the lack of recognition. It may be, for example, an individual with grandiose ideas about his or her aptitudes who has to seek admiration in the work environment .
Then there are people who do creative work and feel that they do not produce as they would like. Here we are often faced with an unachievable perfectionism. Often such individuals are unable to admit that they have limits, and are confronted with their real capabilities.
It then happens that many people turn to an analyst because although they do not have a form of depression, they are not happy with themselves.
In his Psychoanalysis of Contemporary Society, Erich Fromm argues that consumerism leads us to an 'alienation from self'. By 'alienation' he means that which in principle belongs to man and then becomes foreign to him - eventually dominating us.
We must be as others want us to be.
Advertising and fashion itself also consciously influence us, and in this way if we do not conform we can feel backward.
We often get into conflict between our beliefs and the need to 'please' people.
Of course we do not have to be isolationists, but even here a proper balance 'saves' us, since repudiating certain fundamental tenets of our way of being does a lot of damage.
May the coming Christmas enlighten us, show us the way. Not infrequently, here too, we match current population trends, and often forget its true meaning.

Francesco Giovannozzi Psychologist-psychotherapist

Some days I was in a bar. There were some young people talking about their daily problems, when at a certain point the issue of envy came up.

The discussion on this topic was also taken up by the people who were there and someone joking or not (who knows) expressed: but how do you remove it?

I was reminded of old magical and superstitious practices from when I was a child. Or of all those times I have heard people say in the face of a failure or unfavourable situation: 'I must go and have envy removed'. And not only from simple people, but also from people with a certain degree of culture. As already argued in previous articles, even the man of science has his irrational side.

In the Treccani dictionary under envy we read: 'An unpleasant feeling for a good or quality of others that one would like for oneself, often accompanied by aversion and resentment for the one who possesses it instead'.

It is a feeling we all have and which we refuse to acknowledge because it is often something we are ashamed of. We often believe that this feeling has occult powers and therefore believe that pseudo-magical practices can free us. Nothing could be more illusory.

Melanie Klein wrote the book 'Envy and Gratitude' where she addresses this issue.

This author investigated in depth the first relationship the child has with the mother's breast and then with the mother when it manages to perceive her as a total object. A primary relationship that can also be difficult due to maternal causes: non-acceptance of the baby, difficulties in childbirth, or reluctance to breastfeed. 

But there are also causes that can arise from the baby, and among these is envy, which prevents a good relationship with the breast.

The baby may feel a great deal of anger towards the breast, whether it is perceived as good, i.e. that it satisfies him, or as bad - because it does not satisfy his needs and generates envy because it possesses something he does not have.

And so the infant tries to harm him as he can, by putting his naughty bits in (spitting, urinating, biting, etc.).

In a person a strong presence of envy can damage his way of life, and his relations with others; not because of external causes, but because he cannot understand the good object.

He feels that he has ruined it and made it bad.

He cannot feel its good feelings, and this increases his envy and hatred.

In contrast, the child who is more able to feel love and gratitude for the gift he has received, experiences the good object more.

Consequently, gaining confidence in his own goodness, he will overcome envy and hatred more easily.

The person suffering from envy can hardly enjoy the joys of life, because the relationship with the mother and then with any other object of love is damaged.

Positive feelings encourage the child to keep the milk received as good.

Experiencing gratitude is the basis of pleasure, and later he will be able to establish satisfying relationships, because destructive desires are diminished: his anxieties will be less.

Envy does not make us live well, for the simple reason that it goes against life - and the outside world becomes our enemy.  

Or it makes us live a 'breast' that is too idealised or too bad.

A person with a good capacity to love can love the 'object' while seeing its limitations.

One positive thing that envy can operate in us is the possibility of improving ourselves.  

Often, for those who seek help from a professional, among the various issues that the person brings to analysis, this problem must be addressed. 

If the analyst is well aware of these destructive parts, he will be able to lead the person in front of him to recognise the negative parts, and to mitigate them with love and positive feelings.

The well-adjusted person will bear his or her own feelings of guilt better, and will not need to see them on others.  .

Very often it is difficult to bear ourselves.

Francesco Giovannozzi Psychologist - Psychotherapist.