The complexities of existence.
Life is not always easy and the complexities of existence have always existed; they accompany us along the path of our daily lives.
In times gone by, it was often the family doctor who listened to them and associated them as related to the health of his patients and gave them advice.
When, on the other hand, the difficulties were of an ethical nature, people turned to the priest who, through accompaniment and confession, gave suggestions on how to redeem themselves.
Later, with the discovery of psychology in its various forms, people became concerned with human problems. The figure of the psychologist in the broad sense or the psychiatrist joined the previous figures. As far as the field of the psychiatrist is concerned more specifically, the problems are not visible illnesses.
People who are afflicted by life complications are not patients in the usual sense. They can be normal, productive people - as normal as one can be in our community.
Generally, these daily contrarieties may concern interpersonal relationships, the way one works, performance issues... but also the issue of living honestly, in line with one's principles and personal beliefs. Then there are the contrarieties of practical life, which can often accentuate the others.
A lot also depends on our typical behaviours with which we defend ourselves or construct our way of life, and which were formed at an early period - unconsciously imitating people who had meaning in our lives (the so-called character, very succinctly).
Jung argues that the child's unconscious depends on the parental unconscious.
Almost always in my long professional practice I encountered this construct, and I had to struggle to make people understand that it was the parents who triggered the behaviour.
Often when I encountered parents who did not want to accept certain responsibilities, the latter would resort to excuses that did not hold up in any way.
In relationships between individuals, the most annoying issue concerns how we experience our affections.
There are aggressive people who seek people to dominate. There are those who exploit the other (the unwary); and so on.
In love relationships, one has to pay attention to how each one stands towards the other. Let us give some examples.
A woman who suffers because of her spouse who hinders her every development (or vice versa) must understand or be helped to understand that she has somehow sought this situation, and that it is only by finding confidence in her own possibilities and ability to manage herself that she will find relief from her pains.
Otherwise, i.e. if he does not discover his own potential, not even by separating will he solve his problems - because he will unconsciously seek the same kind of spouse.
Only people who are able to respect each other's needs and interests are capable of adult love. We often confuse our own desire with that of the other.
How many times in counselling with couples have I encountered this.
In job difficulties we often find people who move from one job to another because they are not satisfied with the lack of recognition. It may be, for example, an individual with grandiose ideas about his or her aptitudes who has to seek admiration in the work environment .
Then there are people who do creative work and feel that they do not produce as they would like. Here we are often faced with an unachievable perfectionism. Often such individuals are unable to admit that they have limits, and are confronted with their real capabilities.
It then happens that many people turn to an analyst because although they do not have a form of depression, they are not happy with themselves.
In his Psychoanalysis of Contemporary Society, Erich Fromm argues that consumerism leads us to an 'alienation from self'. By 'alienation' he means that which in principle belongs to man and then becomes foreign to him - eventually dominating us.
We must be as others want us to be.
Advertising and fashion itself also consciously influence us, and in this way if we do not conform we can feel backward.
We often get into conflict between our beliefs and the need to 'please' people.
Of course we do not have to be isolationists, but even here a proper balance 'saves' us, since repudiating certain fundamental tenets of our way of being does a lot of damage.
May the coming Christmas enlighten us, show us the way. Not infrequently, here too, we match current population trends, and often forget its true meaning.

Francesco Giovannozzi Psychologist-psychotherapist